Battle of Perserverance

I apologize for the late blog update after such a long period of time from the last post. Been busy with the catching up on studies to prepare myself for the A levels Trials. It has been tough and it still will be. I have but only have a choice to push on and not backsliding.. Hence the title 'Battle of Perseverance'.

It had been so long since my last semester holiday was over. Not like I missed out on posting anything interesting but college life is kinda dull here. Nothing much happens. So yeah.. All the fun I've been through since the day I started this blog were posted. No one is missing out on anything..
But that's out of the point.. Like I was saying, it has been so long since I remembered my Semester 2 holidays were over. I would say around 3 months? Time really flies without one noticing. I still can't believe that my holidays were long gone..

That aside, I recalled my AS Exam (Advanced Subsidiary Exam) results are coming out tomorrow. I'm not exactly nervous about the results but rather put it in layman terms, I'm not anxious to know my result. True, the CIE website might be congested from A Level students all over the world trying to access their respective results the moment the results were posted. But I don't want to rush things. I just don't want to join the commotion. I'd rather check it the day after tomorrow or just later in the day where the web isn't very congested. I wonder why everyone is so eager to know their grades when the exam paper proves to be pretty challenging this year. Yes.. Which means lesser marks and lesser grade boundaries.

Anyways, talking too much about AS results will just make me nervous and the more I think about it the more I'm relunctant to get my results. Oh, did I mention CIE gave me a defective password of a vulgar word made out of my name? Guess not, so yeah, they did. They're mocking my existence..=="
Damn bastards...
Uhm.. So yeah.. Like I said previously, I was busy. Busy completing assignments after assignments that I don't even have time for study. My assignments became my medium of study. To be honest I'm pretty worried about the Trials now. I'm afraid I might not be able to get myself prepared in time for the exams. Especially when mathematics and chemistry are the killer papers. Unlike the one in AS, A2 is so much more harder and complicated. Somehow I just wish that I wasn't in science stream after I left high school and do what I like better - Architecture Foundation. I feel like skipping classes once in awhile to study in the library in fear of failing miserably in the Trials. Unfortunately for me, lecturers are not giving in to stop teaching and start revising. They're still rushing to finish the syllabus in time for the Trial Exam. One can probably guess the stress I'm holding onto now.

I'm looking forward til' the day I graduated from A levels. Leave KL probably (which may be good), and return to God's Blessed Penang Island once again. Oh how I missed my times there, where all my memories and experiences including friends and loved ones are left there. The moment A levels ended I'll be celebrating my lungs out the end of dwelling in science as a mainstream course. And then Architecture - Here I come!!
I pray that God's mercy be upon me as I prepare as well as sit for my Trials. I truly appreciate the prayers and the help that everyone of my friends and family had given me, be it in any form, to support me from the back. I'll just need to take that one step forward to push myself even further which I find it hard to take. The feeling can be described in an analogy which is "Uncertainty". A certain move which one wants to take, in fact one has to, but one just can't do it. It's depressing to know I'm in that state, I just have to be wise.

I look at others, the new intake, students of other courses.. They don't seem to be in the same state I'm in. They are all pretty calm and relax. Where their first 6 months in college are a bliss and a bed of roses. Just like mine when I first entered. But I sincerely regretted for not taking that first 6 months as important as it should be. Those are the days where I should be building back up the basics that I've lost over the 6 months of holidays after SPM. But its already over. What I have is now..

This post may seem like a self-encouraging post and I sincerely hope it actually helps me overcome my state of dilemma. Then there's also the worry of competition between peers to get into a good university. I'm still choosing in between entering UK or Australia though my first choice would be Australia. We'll see by then. I'll apply to all the Universities that I've targeted and see which one accepted me. God knows my ability to enter whichever university I'm supposed to enter. I put this matter into God's hands, this isn't my fight anymore, at least I hoped so.

Last but not least I want to thank you for a friend's blog which I've read a few moments ago which inspired me to write this blog. It feels better to have your feelings poured out so you don't feel so burdened. Everyone wants to do well in their exams. Its just those who are willing to put effort to work it out will get what they deserve and that's exactly what I hope I can do. I pray for divine protection and reduction of distraction throughout my days in A levels..